Your Friends Are Too Nice


By Pastor Vinnie Cappetta


"Your Friends Are Too Nice"


"Confess your sins to one another" James 5:16

When was the last time I confessed my sins to another Christian?  Well, come to think about it…. it was yesterday.  One of my friends asked me about my greatest challenge or insecurity.  I have another friend who has invited me to confess my sins to him every month for the past 27 years.  What is the common denominator between my two friends?  They are not very nice (pious).  They bring up uncomfortable topics.  They prod; they poke.  They are not satisfied with my pat answers.  They keep digging until they hit the dark, dirty, oily sin in my heart.  My sin nature doesn’t like this; it wishes my friends were “nicer.”  It wishes my friends would leave me alone in my sin, but as Bonhoeffer rightly points out… 


“Those who remain alone with their evil are left utterly alone. It is possible that Christians may remain lonely in spite of daily worship together, prayer together, and all their… service-that the final breakthrough to community does not occur precisely because they enjoy community with one another as pious believers, but not with one another as those lacking piety, as sinners. For the pious community permits no one to be a sinner. Hence all have to conceal their sins from themselves and from the community. We are not allowed to be sinners. Many Christians would be unimaginably horrified if a real sinner were suddenly to turn up among the pious. So we remain alone with our sin, trapped in lies and hypocrisy, for we are in fact sinners.”


There is a part of me that is glad that my friends don’t leave me alone in my sin.  They allow me to be a sinner… to show my sin… to confess my sin to them before a holy God.  I am glad that my friends aren’t too nice.  


  • Are your friends too nice?  Maybe you could ask them to invite you to confess your sins to them from time to time.   
  • Are you too nice with your friends?  Maybe you could think of some questions that you could ask them that would invite them to go deeper with you.  Ask them about their current struggles, insecurities, and sinful desires.